WHAT MAKES A BLACK WOMAN CONTENT?

As a person who admittedly has much to say, when it came to this blog, I thought I had pretty much covered it all when it came to Black women and what it takes to be content. However, I recently was informed otherwise.

I had two recent encounters that led me to believe I needed to address the issue of the contentment of Black women.

First, there was Sheila. I have to give a big shout out to her because she admitted to going to my blog the first thing every morning and making it her home page. Talk about humbling. It's nice to feel the love.

Sheila recently shared with me that as much as she wanted to be, she - as a Black woman - was not content. Her and her husband are separated large in part - according to her - because they just grew apart. She hates her job. She is borderline in hating her family because they always seem to keep some kind of drama going. She's only 43 but she looks 53. She is tired all the time, miserable and feels extremely bitter. This is not the life she imagined for herself.

Then she asked me, with all of this, how does a Black woman become content. With some of the challenges I am dealing with directly connected to my pursuit of my career as a full-time writer, Sheila told me that she'd give anything to trade places with me - financial challenges and all.

"No wonder you're content," she said. "All you have is you and your 14-year old baby. You don't have anyone arguing with you about how you are raising your child. You don't have a whole bunch of people calling and expecting you to solve their problems. You dress the way you want and go where you want, when you want. What I wouldn't give to have a life like yours. Of course you're content. It's written all over your face. What's your secret?"

At first, I laughed. It was sort of a nervous laughter because home girl doesn't have a clue of what it takes for me to make this thing called life work everyday. What does save me is my passion for communicating - especially writing as well as greeting each day with a heart full of love and gratitude to the God of the universe for ongoing favor and protection.

Then there was Spencer. This is one cool Black man. He has a different kind of dilemma because as much as he loves Black women, he says he can't find one that doesn't make him feel like he's got to suit up for World War III every time he approaches her.

I told him that he was exaggerating.

"No I'm not," he rebutted. "Why in the hell are Black women so angry? I know it's hard out here for them, but it sure as hell is hard out here for the brothas. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on. Maybe I should be more open to dating outside my race. I don't want to, but if more Black women acted like you, a brotha might have half a chance."

"Hold on," I said. "Don't think for one moment I don't have my own set of issues."

"Of course you do," Spencer replied. "Hell, we all do. But you don't put your stuff off on every Black man you see. That sh*t is just getting old. How come you are so content? What does it take for a Black woman to be content?"

Both of these encounters really made me think, therefore, I am going to take this opportunity to define what it means to be a Content Black Woman.

Who is a Content Black Woman?

Let's see. First of all, she is really O.K. with who she is where she is. She is secure with herself. She works hard not to allow negative outside influences ever to override the peace and contentment she tries to maintain within.

Next, she loves being happy and therefore seeks to focus on those things, activities and people that contributes to and supports that happiness. She tends to do what she loves for a living.

A Content Black Woman is a woman who has made a commitment to being at peace with God. She does not blame him for when things seemingly don't go right. She works to take each life challenge as a life lesson. While life challenges can indeed be painful, she works to enable a balance of prayer and meditation along with positive people and circumstances to keep her focused on the bigger picture of the value of being grateful for what she has where she is knowing all challenges are temporary and not intended to last always.

While embracing the ability to be kind and loving to all, the Content Black Woman is no push over. The worse thing anyone can do is mistake the Content Black Woman's kindness for weakness.

She knows how to be direct in her communication with difficult people who insist on trying to make her life disruptive. She is not attached to anything - a job, money or people (this is a little harder). Therefore, in a tone that is non-threatening, she is O.K. with setting boundaries when it comes to how people treat her. Disrespect and mistreatment are not an option. Therefore, when someone has overstepped their boundaries, she let's them know in as tactful a way she knows how. If negativity in interaction persists, she walks away or ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.

She regularly compliments, gives praise and express appreciation of others. A Content Black Woman is content with showing love to others without compromising herself or her dignity.

Finally, a Content Black Woman is extremely comfortable in the fact that she does not have the answers to all of life's mysteries. She knows that each and every one of us is a mere sum total of our experiences and that each person really is doing the best he or she can to get from one day to the next.

A Content Black Woman embraces the acceptance of self so that she may fully accept and respect others for who they are where they are void of the toxicity of judgment. This is not always easy. However, a Content Black Woman is not afraid to try, to show up everyday and to give her best.

A Content Black Woman seeks to be the personification of pure spirit with the hopes of being a reflection of the pure spirit that exists at the heart of each and every human being whether he or she knows it or not.

If you have other ideas as to what makes Black woman content, feel free to share them. I'd love to know what you think.

Peace.